Waltzing Matilda and hot German backpacker

I’M 500 kilometres from Mount Isa when I wake in a motel room in Winton, central Queensland. Plenty of time to make  it to the Irish Club at 7pm for the work Christmas party.


I get distracted at the Combo waterhole. It’s supposed to be the setting in Waltzing Matilda. I’m excited. I get a little carried away. I blame the 41 degree heat.

I reenacted the photos from the song. It wasn’t bad considering I didn’t have a tripod, a sheep, any law enforcement officers, a tucker bag. But thanks to a handy fork in a Coolibah tree, and some “subtle” changes in the song, I managed.

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong, 

under the shade of a Coolibah tree. 


And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boil [shut up! I forgot that part]

You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. 

Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong, 

Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee. 

And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his CAMERA bag [Shut up! That’s all he had on him]

You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. 


Up rode the squatter mounted on his thorough-bred

Down came the troopers One Two Three

Whose that jolly jumbuck you’ve got in your camera bag, 

You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. 

Up jumped the swagman sprang in to the billabong

UP YOURS, said he


And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.

Waltzing Matilda Waltzing Matilda

You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong

You’ll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.

So yeah, that filled in some time. But there’s more pure Australiana to fill into this story. You see, further up the same road is a place called McKinlay.

There’s one interesting thing about this town. It happens to have a pub called the Walkabout Creek Hotel.

It’s the pub in Crocodile Dundee.

So I’m driving past when I see a bunch of people standing at the front of the pub. And I’m thinking “what’s happening here?” So being a journalist I stop the car and change out of my muddy swimming gear and walk up to the pub.

A middle aged couple are getting married in the pub, and the reception is open to anybody. Wedding gifts are donations to the Royal Flying Doctor Service.


This drunk middle aged publican of another pub 200 kilometres away buys my drinks. He shouts “this better be front page of your newspaper. Front page! Front page!”

I said I would try to get it front page.

“Bullshit!” he shouted. “It better be front page.”

A blonde haired girl with the lightest blue eyes I have seen walks to him and talks in a German accent, placing me into this conversation triangle. I talk to her and the publican says “oh, are you single?” and a bit later, “I’m sorry, I’ll go away” and makes a big show of it, embarrassing her and I.

But when he does go subtly she and I talk despite the loud music and the cackles and jeers from across the Walkabout Creek Hotel. I cannot remember her name, but I know she works at the petrol station, that she lives in west Germany, that she has never eaten Vegemite, that she is in a gap year from High School and intends to study economics at university.

“This is my first Australian wedding,” she said. “Are they all like this?”

I tell her no. This is quite casual. I think she seems relieved. She asks about Mount Isa, and I say that if she visits there’s a cinema and several pubs and clubs, and if she visits we should hang out. I think “oh well, might as well go all the way” and I put my number in her phone.

I leave shortly when she goes to Skype her grandparents, but she seems surprised I’m leaving so soon. I tell her I’ll be at the hotel’s Christmas party next Saturday night. What have I done! It’s 200 kms from where I live and I have work the next day.

But I take the wrong car. I steal the prop from Crocodile Dundee instead.



4 thoughts on “Waltzing Matilda and hot German backpacker

  1. Hey, Chris B – – – You are confusing me.

    For starters you say you are a German backpacker

    Then in the Forum of mindfucked up’s *re-blog* YOU tried to make out you were a sympathetic muslim.

    Now you are pretending to be an Australian.

    YOU AIN’T EITHER ! ! !


    Which one are you???


    I suppose you could be a German muslim, but NEVER an Australian.


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