Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 22, 2020 (part two of three)

Why am I awake? Even whys seem meaningless now. Hows? Functional. Even more meaningless. Perhaps more interesting though. How am I awake? I'm alive. That's crucial. Doesn't seem to me to require much else that isn't glaringly obvious. I want to hold her. That sounds creepy. I want to cuddle her. Better. I want to …

Short Story of My (autistic) Life

You know when you’ve got your alarm set for, say, 6am, for work, but you wake up at, say, 4am and can’t get back to sleep? This is kind of similar to how I was “born”. And I write “born”, in inverted commas, because it’s more accurate to say I was surgically removed – via …

Systemic Failure

Obviously individuals over the years have treated me poorly because I'm autistic, whether they or I at the time knew it or not. This has stunted the progression of my life, at least in a social sense - which is pretty much everything in terms of the fact that humans are effectively just super intelligent …

“Disabled”

Put simply, and on reflection as an adult diagnosed autist, in my experience neurotypicals seem a lot more disabled in an objective (versus groupthink) sense than me or any other autist I'm even vaguely aware of, let alone know personally.

Autism Poem

Why do they lie The humans Always lying And what's worse they Seem to believe their own Lies I know the hearts of Men and women And when their hearts Say things that Don't match with their Words and deeds Yet they lie and I Weep Not for their disrespect Toward me (Because they mean …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus (and back home) – March 24 (and 25), 2020

Tuesday: Do what you want to do. Songs of learning. I'm not intending to be arrogant. Detached, maybe. I'd be a good father anyway. I don't currently want to do it though. I feel like both pessimism and optimism are foreign to me and that autism, for me at least, comes with resolute realism as …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 23, 2020

Yesterday sucked, to put it mildly. My worst day thus far had come when Lorna and Ajax left. The fact that they were apparently not doing well contributed to how low I was feeling yesterday but it was a lot of things. I just want to love and be loved. All the rest are simply …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 22, 2020 (part three of three)

Another night of no sleep and I feel ok. Why do I bother writing. I've written so much and it seems pointless sometimes but I don't have an alternative timeline - in which perhaps it might seem more meaningful - to compare it to. To woo women? Like Robin Williams said in Dead Poet's Society? …

Autism Accepted

There's a wall between me and every other human on Earth. It's invisible, has no smell, makes no sound. It's a neurological wall. From within it I experience life, its joy and sadness, just like everyone else does. But this wall makes it difficult - not impossible - for me to experience the lives of …

Autism Acceptance Month

Autism Acceptance Month is nearly over. I was diagnosed as autistic halfway through last year. Frankly, on reflection, I'm lucky that going undiagnosed for so long didn't literally kill me. There were, literally, close calls. And the consequences of for so long being failed by a socio-economic system that prioritises people's usefulness over their well-being …