Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 23, 2020

Slept well despite Malcolm's "freight train hauling elephants that has derailed and is crashing down a mountainside" snoring. Simple morning. Ran/walked on the treadmill for 35 minutes. Longer line for phones than usual. Usual breakfast. Morning meeting. Shower. Urine test signing running late. Group on anger management. Enjoyed some of Grace's company this morning. She's … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 23, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 20, 2020

Woke at about 7am and straight down to the main house for breakfast: vegemite, and peanut-butter on bread, and chocolate Digestives. Then I read for a little while until two hours of power (Saturday morning working bee) at 9.30am. At the 9am meeting I spoke about how I'd experienced both the best and worst times … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 20, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 19, 2020

Today's group is on communication. We sorted out our strengths. I realised that if indeed my greatest strength is judgement, my weakness is unfortunately communication of it - whether because of autism or my introverted personality in general. I don't like to control people. I like them to arrive to the right course of action … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 19, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 18, 2020

Group on social media today. I've done it before. Positives vs negatives. I managed to get "punitive welfare" (in reference to the Jobseeker/Centrelink apps) on the board, since I'd just spoken to my disability employment services provider and was feeling a little raw at capitalism at the time (capitalism will make me feel raw until … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 18, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 13, 2020

Strange sensation of contentment and un-happiness at once. I'm struggling so much to bring myself to tell Grace I love her. Can't stop thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't. Failed past relationships. Reasons we might be incompatible. General anxiety around how she might respond. So, fucking, frustrated. There's also the issue around whether … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 13, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 10, 2020

Yesterday was exhausting. I continue to miss cigarettes. I do not continue to miss Grace. Because she's here, sort of. She's still going through withdrawals. Nevertheless, her presence is intoxicating. The right kind of intoxicating. The clear-minded, full-hearted kind. Went to bed reasonably early and slept well last night. Woke up about 6-6.30am. Busy morning, … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 10, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 4, 2020 (part three of three)

Haven't heard from Grace this afternoon. Can't remember if I heard from her today (huh?). Think I did (???). Really feeling in the zone today (doesn't make sense considering the memory lapses, but ok). Sank a lot of hoops. Played some Third Age: Total War. Nice chicken dinner. Sitting in front of the fire, journaling … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 4, 2020 (part three of three)

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part four of four)

Rehab has taught me the value of subjectivity. If you're always looking outward for context you're not going to get a context that's accurate in terms of maintaining the relationships around you. We do live in a very selfish world, though, and knowing that that's broadly true helps motivate me to be less selfish in … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part four of four)

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part three of four)

Insomnia, tonight. Again. That's ok though. Slept better last night. Sitting in front of the fire. Again. So what if someone reads my journal. So what if Mary (one of the treatment facilitators) is trying to dissuade my affection for Grace (pretty sure in hindsight that was merely paranoid thought). Coincidences happen. Autism tries to … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part three of four)

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part one of four)

Felt really good today. Woke up just before up-beds, and then did up-beds (went around waking everyone up). Two people. Certainly not difficult. And no bread to cut, either (an up-beds role during normal, non coronavirus times). Then later on poor old Malcolm stacked it on his skateboard. Just a dislocated shoulder. Poor bastard. Noticed … Continue reading Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 2, 2020 (part one of four)