Please Don’t Die

Not yet. It's not all about me. But it is. I love you. I Want to see you again. And I Want you to be happy and healthy Even if I never see you again. But this world needs you. I don't know exactly why. I just know how you've Made me feel. Good and …

Wishful Thinking

I wish I could do something To have her back in my life. To look into those blue eyes Again and see the Beautiful, caring heart and Tortured, fragile soul that I fell in love with and Felt love from. I wish things were different. That I wasn't so alone. So stuck in a bottomless …

Failure

She tried to make me Hate her. I'm human. I hate the things she said. Attacking my actions and values. Even my age. She hurt me, but She gave me cause for reflection. For ongoing self-improvement. There is no-one I want to Impress more than her. No-one I more want to be Better for. And …

Bed Dread

An unfortunate throwback To my days of drinking. Going to bed and suffering. Only this time, more Without self-medication to Knock me out I languish in Anguish. Feeling utterly hopeless About tomorrow I descend Into depression or anxiety Or both, depending on whether I fear the future or bemoan the past. I know it's key …

I Know Who I Am

I am not my pain. I am not depression. Not anxiety. Nor autism. Not even demisexuality. I am not who has hurt me. Not who has betrayed me. Nor who has maligned Belittled. Insulted. Devasted me. If anything what I have suffered At the hands of those who Don't understand. Or don't know love. Or …

Contrast

The depths sunk to in My mind and heart I think, are indicative Of what is real. What could have been. What I can only hope Might still be, over Some horizon. Anger toward myself and Others, and depression the Likes of which I have Never before experienced. Crippling anxiety felt Through the entire body …

Fakery

Fake it till you make it Does not work. One of the worst pieces of Advice I heard during recovery. Demons must be faced and Beaten, or lost to and faced And battled again. Over and over As necessary. Suppression is the most Toxic of human behaviours. Beasts restrained only Become more rabid and Ultimately …

Demisexuality

Adds an extra sting to Unrequited love and An extra sweetness or Spice to requited love. It's not even all about sex. It's about connection. The way I see it demisexuals Quite compulsively favour Quality over quantity. A fuck boy I am not, and cannot be. Fortunately, I'm unlikely to Experience unrequited love Ever again …

The Hardest Part

Of unrequited love Is the default sadness setting You find yourself experiencing. Like love, the feeling of its Lack of reciprocation hits Hard. So at first it's painful. Literally physically and emotionally. Then in the wake of such Monumental pain a sort of Dull throb of a heart alone. In my darkest moments I Almost …

Brighter Horizon

Probably the worst thing About addiction is you don't Even realise how terrible Your life is. You wallow in your rut Oblivious to how glorious Freedom, such as is possible Under capitalism, can be. Patience. That's all that's really Required of me at this point. So many lessons learned. So many opportunities that Will present …