There’s. . . .

No regrets. Just things I might do different If I had my time over again With her. Been more understanding. More considerate. More compromising. Or at least tried to. We can't account for others. They'll do what they want. What they think is best. And that's all we can do. But I love her. Still …

Sanity

I know the difference between Right and wrong. And what was done to me was Wrong. It's not the first time I've been Wronged. But it was the worst time. But that's not her fault. It's literally everyone else's. Because she's perfect. Who she really is. To me. And I love her. Perfectly.

Dishonesty

One of the last things I remember her saying When the group was talking about happiness Was that, for her: Connection was happiness. A lie. She knew connection was the opposite of addiction. And I knew how she really defined happiness. The same way I defined happiness: Love. Why did she lie? Because I, the …

Paralysed

Does the world still exist. Lying in bed agonising over Years of bad memories. Fear of the future. It doesn't take much. One small thing goes wrong And I crash. It builds. Light and noise that can't be escaped Assaults me and sometimes Without even knowing it I'm slowly being defeated. Someone says something I …

Missing Her

Life is meaningless. Nothing can change that. And nothing brings Lasting happiness. But nothing has ever Made me more happy Than spending time with A woman I like, or love. And I both liked and loved Her. And I lost her. And all I want is Her back. I would give anything To make that …

Pieces of Her

How can she not see That she could escape with me. All those selfish people Drawn to her over the years. They'd all taken a piece. I could see that. And I could see the pain it caused. But I fell in love with her Heart that was still whole. But she didn't want that …

I’m So Tired

Of this bullshit world Full of greedy, delusional fucks.

My Daily Routine

Every morning I wish I'd died in my sleep. Every night I hope I'll die in my sleep. Every day I get less satisfaction and joy from life, and have less hope for the future - for myself and humanity in general.

The Asian, Hopefully At Least Less Capitalist, Century

Some people get it. Some don't. It's a simple problem, that those who don't get it are holding back humanity. But the symptoms are more complicated and varied and, well, unfortunately the same last last century - and literally every preceding century in which humanity has been "civilised".

Two Years Sober

I'm grateful. Abstaining from alcohol hasn't felt as difficult as life has continued to be. But I'm mindful that life would only be harder if I'd continued to drink, or started drinking again. I miss alcohol's numbing effect - from a world that is simply irritating or painful for an autistic person to exist in. …