Niece Marley

Great-grandma says she Remembers being your Age now, and younger. So listen up: You are the most Precious thing in the World to me and there Is nothing I wouldn't do No sacrifice I wouldn't make To love and protect you. Especially if for whatever Reason your parents are Not able to. My promise to …

“Our Kids”

I'll always remember You saying that like It was yesterday. I have seen the future. There are two possibilities. In one I never see you again. I'll probably travel. Might write a book. Will do my best to enjoy Life Despite your absence. Ever despair your absence. Like almost literally Missing my heart. In the …

Short Story of My (autistic) Life

You know when you’ve got your alarm set for, say, 6am, for work, but you wake up at, say, 4am and can’t get back to sleep? This is kind of similar to how I was “born”. And I write “born”, in inverted commas, because it’s more accurate to say I was surgically removed – via …

What’s the Point

Something that has been front of mind for me this year, more than anything else and more than any other year is: what's the point? What's the point of life? I don't mean "what's the meaning of life?" I think, objectively it's pretty obvious there is no meaning to life. Subjectively, of course we each …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – June 14, 2020

(Belatedly, the title of this series of blog posts is inspired by Gabriel Garcia Marquez' Love in the Time of Cholera. It's different, because it's about a love triangle. If my own story is a love triangle, I remain unaware of it. It's also different because it's well written. And it's also fictional, though probably …

Autism Accepted

There's a wall between me and every other human on Earth. It's invisible, has no smell, makes no sound. It's a neurological wall. From within it I experience life, its joy and sadness, just like everyone else does. But this wall makes it difficult - not impossible - for me to experience the lives of …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 20, 2020 (part one of three)

Only six hours sleep last night. Feeling ok, anyway. Good walk this morning. Jogged almost all the way back. Interesting handover (when the house coordinator and deputy HCs (which I'm one of) meet with one of the staff members in the morning to discuss relevant matters). My first one. The rehab is not accepting any …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 10, 2020

Objectively I don't care. Subjectively, of course I care - sometimes. This is how I survive. What else is there to say. Within the tightening confines of late-stage capitalism I can't (seem to) have the only thing I really want: love. Freedom? Bah. I'll be dead one day. Seems neither objectively nor subjectively prudent nor …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 9, 2020

Never been called a "fucking creep" before. Subjectively hurtful, if not offensive - in a received sense. It's an opportunity, though, to reinforce at least one (of many) realisations I've had over the past few months: namely that in terms of my "special interests" I must remember that, when one of them happens to be …

Love in the Time of Coronavirus – March 8, 2020

If life is what you make it then so too is death. My second cigarette and coffee, already. 5.30am. Writing seems different now. My thoughts still clear but, yeah, different. I'm about to lose my muse but hopefully not forever. I cling to hope like eternal optimists cling to mortality. Nothing lasts forever, because of …